saddest sadness

have you ever waited a day to come,
to fulfill an ultimate desire,
something at which you had such great expectations?
all your burdens and angers of current time
were unimportant because of the moment to come...

... and then you get a simple phone call just some
time before it should occur and you get the message
that it will not happen.
all your joy, all your hope was destroyed in just a second.
you fell into a deep dark hole,
everything seems so useless
and you think about yourself...

... and you get this impression how heartsickly
you feel about some emptiness in your life...

I currently feel this grief.